As parents we try not to make mistakes, here are 5 of the biggest verbal errors we make.

As parents, it is important that we take great care with what we say to our children. Simple phrases can seriously destroy your child’s self esteem, especially if he hears the same thing over and over. Kids are very naïve and tend to believe what their parents say to them, even if it is something you snap out in the heat of the moment. Here are five of the worst possible things you can say to your children.

“You’re so stupid” or any variation of this. As mentioned above, children readily believe what their parents say to them and this phrase is one of the most damaging of all. Your little one will genuinely come to believe that she is stupid if she hears this repeated often enough. Other variations to avoid, “I can’t believe you did something so stupid/idiotic!” “What, are you an idiot?” and “Only a fool would do that.”

“You are a bad kid.” Children are not bad, although they do bad things. By telling them that they are bad, you are instilling the belief that they are, in fact, evil beings. When the opportunity arises to do something wrong, the child is more likely to think, “Why not? I’m a bad person, I might as well do something bad.”

“If you don’t pick up your toys, I won’t love you anymore.” Love between parent and child should be unconditional and this phrase teaches children that they have to work for their parent’s love. Unfortunately, this continues when the child reaches adulthood and she will constantly feel that she has to earn the love of other people. Another very damaging version of this is ignoring your child when she tells you she loves you.

“You are just like your father/mother.” When this is used in a negative sense, such as after a divorce and when your son does something to remind you of his father’s lazy ways. Children are not their parents, they are their own people and being compared to a parent who is frequently disparaged is the best way to create a child who is hurtful and bitter.

“Lucky went to sleep.” When explaining death, it is best to use proper terminology. Sure, saying a dead family member is asleep is gentler than explaining the harsh reality of death, but it will also convey the wrong idea. Your child may assume that the dead person will reawaken or may fear that he will die himself while asleep. It is best to explain clearly the finality of death.

Every parent makes mistakes. It is inevitable, but you can avoid some very serious problems by not saying the five phrases given here. Instead, try to be positive and refer to the situation instead of the child.

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