After a divorce it is sometimes hard to get past the old resentments and issues to be able to have civil conversations with your ex-spouse. But when there are children involved it is imperative that you are able to communicate civilly. This article gives tips on how to have civil and effective conversations with your ex despite your differences.
We would all like to have one of those buddy-buddy relationships with our ex-spouse like we see on sitcoms on television but in reality most divorced couples just don’t act that way. Just because the divorce papers are signed doesn’t mean the problems, anger and resentments that caused the divorce in the first place magically disappear. But if you share children you really have to see past these differences so you are able to communicate civilly about, and in the presence of, the children.

Your main objectives are to communicate openly with your ex and also model civil behavior to your children. Below are a few tips on how keep your conversations civil and focus on the topics at hand.

• Leave the past in the past. Bringing up old issues will accomplish nothing when you are trying to agree on concerns about the children. Set boundaries from the very beginning by asking your ex to agree not to bring up old problems while you are having discussions and you will do the same. This may be difficult, especially right after the divorce, but work hard at not re-hashing old issues.
• Set up a specific time each week or at least twice a month for you and your ex to discuss any concerns about the children. This can be a face-to-face meeting or through e-mail or on the phone. Speaking with each other on a regular basis will alleviate concerns and issues quickly instead of letting them simmer on the back burner.
• After you have set up a time to communicate be considerate and show up at the set time. If you can’t make the meeting phone ahead so your ex isn’t waiting for you. This is true of the times you pick up the children too. Being there on time shows your ex that you value and respect their time.
• Keep notes of the issues you wish to discuss so when you get together you can use your time effectively. This will also help to keep you focused on the subject at hand so you don’t deviate and waste each other’s time.
• Listen politely to your ex’s ideas even if you don’t agree. Interrupting or ignoring their ideas only leads to more fights and resentments. Show you are listening and at least making an effort at working cooperatively with your ex.

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